What I'm not ready to do is leave my wife, or leave my church family, or leave my grandchildren, or, in view of the tragedy that befell an eighth-grade student in our community this morning, leave my middle school guys in Awana. So, in a sense, my heart is torn. I want to go. I don't want to leave.
I think it will always be that way for believers in this world. C. S. Lewis described this feeling of wanting to go but not wanting to leave as an indicator of the longing all believers have, not far below the surface of our hearts, to go home and be with Jesus; and yet, we don't really want to leave the ones we love in this earth. Paul expressed it this way. "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account." (Philippians 1:21-24)
So, as my body takes flight tomorrow, I'm sure I'll leave a chunk of my heart behind in northeast Colorado. Then, some days later, it will happen again: I'll fly back home, and a piece of my heart will remain in Bulgaria and Serbia.
And one day, all of our hearts will be home and whole, as Christ gathers us finally around His throne. The fractures of life in this transient planet will be no more. What a day!
Until then, there's a gospel and a world in need to it. Staying or leaving, we go with that gospel.
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